Autumn Leaves
by Soulstrife
Summary: Youji, autumn, and the pain of love. A+YShounen-ai ^^


Hi guys. The weather inspired me to write a short fic, so here it is. This is separate from the 'where' timeline. I hope you'll enjoy it. Much love, and thanks to you readers. 

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Autumn Leaves

Red, orange and yellow leaves danced around him in dizzying circles . An October breeze typical of Tokyo toyed with his wavy hair. He shivered faintly in the cold, crisp air. 

Youji was sitting in the park's only swing set, dangling his legs, thinking idly, and taking in the colour and the beauty that surrounded him. He gazed into the park's shallow duckpond, and watched as a crimson leaf spiraled down to meet the water's surface. 

It touched. The water rippled. He smiled fleetingly. 

Beautiful. 

Natural beauty was so difficult to find these days. It made one appreciate it more. He sighed into the breeze. Tiny leaves were falling on him, on his nose, in his hair, tickling against his skin. The world smelled fresh, and crisp. He could hear the wind, and the soft chirping of birds. The sky was grey, but that didn't matter to him. 

He enjoyed seeing this aspect of the world. The real one. The beautiful one. The trees, the animals the wind. To him, it felt like a luxury. Maybe that was what Tokyo did to everyone. 

He took in a slow breath. 

The air tasted sweet to him.

Clean air was a good substitute to cigarettes. In the city, the air was dirty no matter where you were. In his mind, cigarettes and car exhaust were equally as bad for you –one form of blackening your lungs was just more enjoyable than the other. 

A bold brown sparrow hopped in front of him, and cocked its brown head to the side. Youji regretted the fact that he didn't keep a stock of birdseed. 

"Sorry buddy." He smiled sheepishly. "I don't have anything for you." 

The bird looked up, and flew away, chattering.

Youji thought that was beautiful too. He wondered, if he closed his eyes, could he pretend to be a part of it for a while? 

He was glad he was alone. 

If any of the other's saw him this way, they would only laugh. 

Why? Because he wasn't supposed to act this way. Because this was out of character for club lovin' Youji. Because they had all already chosen their masks. And it was too late to revert back to their old selves now. Now when they functioned as a team. Now when they knew each other inside and out. 

Hah. 

He shook the thought from his head. He was here, now. Alone, in the real world. This was his time to forget. 

His gaze shifted from the pool of water, to the trees, to the skyline. Beyond the park, a white hospital loomed, provoking a sense of foreboding in his heart. 

"Damn, but do I hate that place." He announced to the empty lot of land. He pulled out a green scarf from his jacket's inner pocket, and wrapped it around his neck. He was thankful for the extra warmth. 

He meant not that one hospital, in particular, but all hospitals in general. Hospitals meant someone was sick. Or hurt. Which usually meant one of his teammates. That, in itself, disturbed him more than anything else. Seeing any of Weiss down and out. Even if he only knew their masks, they were still important to him. 

His attention slowly drifted away from the hospital, and fell again to the pool of water. The crimson leaf sailed over the duckpond ocean, its bright colour standing out even from the rest of the colourful leaf-boats. 

Somehow, that shade of crimson always stood out. 

The corner of Youji's mouth twitched in a slight smile. 

Yes indeed, there was a particular shade of violet which always stood out to him too. But that was something that he would mull over in the spring, when the flowers came into bloom. 

Aya with his pale complexion that reminded him of lilies. Aya with his soft baritone, which reminded him of the wind on the water. Aya, who's will was stronger than stone.

Thinking about Aya was always dangerous. It would lead him to have thoughts he didn't want to have, and feelings which twisted and turned inside him. 

He had told Aya about those feelings once. By accident. 

Another reason why he liked to be alone now. Being around Aya was too unbearable. Because somehow, in the course of the two years that they had known each other, worked in the shop together, killed together, Youji had…..

Youji had fallen in love. 

He couldn't put his finger on when, or how. It was just something that had happened, without him really realizing it until much later. Slowly his nightlife had faded, and took backseat to a feeling stronger than he had ever felt before. He was in love with Aya. 

And for some strange reason, it didn't surprise him. The man was beautiful, yes, and that could attest for something. But not love. What was it that made Youji love him?

His quiet demeanor. His strength of character. His intelligence.

Sometimes, when they were alone, they used to talk. About small things, and big things, and everything in between. Youji could even recall them having a long discussion on philosophy once. They would do things together, sometimes. Go for coffee, or for a walk. Nothing really special. 

Well, nothing special to Aya, at any rate. It had made Youji feel wonderful, however. And once, for a while, he had thought that maybe….just maybe there was a chance that Aya cared about him too…

But last week, he had managed to destroy everything between them, with just that simple admission. 

It had slipped from his lips, really. He hadn't meant to say it. Aya had been very distraught after seeing Aya-chan that evening. He had returned with tears in those beautiful violet eyes. 

Youji, of course, had followed him up to his room. He wasn't about to let Aya shut himself up when something was wrong. He was worried. It scared him to see Aya shake. It hurt him too. 

Aya had ran up to the safety of his room, where no other could touch him. Youji knocked on the door, anyway. Amazingly enough, Aya had let him in. They talked for hours. His love had been upset over his dear sister. He felt abandoned by her. He felt that he had abandoned her. Youji spent the evening convincing him that it was otherwise. At last, when he had succeeded, Aya had said the unthinkable. 

"She's gone, Youji. No one could care about me anymore." He had buried his face in his hands. "No one could love me." 

Youji could remember the pounding of his heart. He remembered those seconds vividly. There was a time warp. A sense of vertigo. He wondered if Aya saw him sway back and forth on his feet. He remembered debating with himself whether, he should or shouldn't say it. Whether or not to confess. He remembered making the conscious decision

"I do, Aya." He had said after a moment of hestitation. "I love you." 

He had regretted those words from the minute they spilled forth. He had seen Aya's eyes widen with some emotion –anger, shock – he didn't know what. He just ran. Ran before the man which he loved so dearly could say anything more. Because he knew what Aya would say. And if he ran, he wouldn't have to listen.

And here he was, running again. Avoiding him. 

Aya, of course, had ignored him all week. Typical Aya style. Or at least, the typical style of Aya's 'mask personality'. Not a word had he spoken to Youji. 

In a way, he was grateful. That would only make it hurt more. But some of the looks Aya gave him when they were working in the shop…

Youji shivered. It was like Aya could assess him with just one stare. He was sure that that was what he was doing too.

The sky was darker now. The water in the pool looked like ink.

He watched as the crimson leaf was overrun with liquid. He watched it as it sunk beneath the glossy surface of the cold water. 

"You're not alone. I feel like I'm going under too." He stated for the sake of the sunken leaf. He felt sympathetic. 

Leaves crunched behind him. He didn't look up. 

He laughed softly. He was talking to a leaf. "You're an idiot, Youji." He said. He smiled. Talking with himself was okay. At least that way someone would listen. 

"You're not stupid, Youji." The wind on the water, forming syllables and words. A shiver ran down his spine. What were these, hospitable words? 

"Hello Aya." He said simply. "What are you doing here?" He turned around to look at the man. 

Man in question pointed at the hospital beyond the trees.

"I was visiting Aya-chan. I was on my way back." 

"I see." Said Youji. And he turned around. Stupidly, he looked for the red leaf-boat. It was a means of avoiding Aya's stare. 

"What are you doing here, Youji?"

He could play the game. He could wear his mask. He clasped his hands over his heart, and turned to face Aya again. "Becoming one with nature." 

The man's pale face quirked with one of those rare, beautiful smiles. 

Damn, that hadn't worked the way it was supposed to. Damn Aya, with his damned perception. And that beautiful smile….why did he smile?

"Didn't think you were the type." Aya noted with mild interest.

"You wouldn't." Youji agreed. 

"What inspired you to come out today." Aya drew closer to him. Youji didn't know what he wanted, but he was persistent. 

"The colours." Youji said honestly. He sighed wistfully. "The colours are beautiful today. Especially the reds."

"You're right." 

Youji nearly gasped when he felt Aya's hand on his shoulder. He could feel its warmth, even through his coat. 

"Youji….." 

"Aya?" 

Arms wrapped around his torso. Aya, still standing, stooped over him from behind. He gaped at his leader. 

"Aya?" 

His voice caught in his throat when soft lips descended upon his own, sweet to taste, and gently molding to his, skin against skin. 

Aya tasted like mint. 

It was he who broke the kiss. He pulled back, and looked up at Aya, eyes wild with bewilderment.

"Aya?" 

"I love you too, Youji." 

His mouth fell open in shock. He closed it, dumbly, and stared up at again. Long moments passed, and the only noise was the soft hush of wind in the trees. He was petrified. What if Aya was teasing him? His heart pounded in his chest. 

"Aya why didn't you tell me sooner….?"

Gentle violet eyes, regarded him carefully. "I was afraid."

"Of me?"

"Of love." Aya said. He stepped back. "I'll understand if you're angry with me. I just wanted to tell you." 

Aya was not wearing his mask. This was the truth. 

"Aya." Youji smiled up at him, hesitantly. "I'm not angry." 

His crimson-haired crush looked dumbfounded. "You're not?" 

"No. I love you, Aya." 

Long fingertips brushed against his cheeks. Hands cupped his face, and turned it up to look at the sky. Aya filled his vision. Lips were on his again, and he sighed into the kiss. 

There was a time warp. A sense of vertigo. He wondered if he was swaying back and forth in his swing. 

Aya broke off.

"Do you want a push?" He asked. Violet sparkled with playfulness and poured into a soul. 

Emerald looked up. Youji smiled. "Yes, please." 

***********************************************************

The cold autumn air was filled with warm laughter. The wind tore into brunette hair as one man soared higher and higher. When he returned to earth, he looked up into smoldering violet. A body twisted around in the swing. Long arms reached up to loop around a pale neck. 

Two creatures of nature joined hearts.

Red leaves danced all around them. 

Owari

Liked it, loved it, hated it? Send me an email: soulstrife@hotmail.com Thanks so much again for reading ^ ^


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